Annemarie & Asa
Annemarie and Asa, based in St. Louis, MO, live in a co-living home owned by Annemarie. They use a tenderly direct approach to their relationship seeking to always create and explore all ways of being with each other. Below are some of their creations along with their full interview.
Anniversary Olympics: Every four years they bring their friends together for fun and games to celebrate their relationship. Instead of celebrating with just themselves, they recognize and include their broader community.
Annual Retreats: Oftentimes we can let years pass without deeply thinking about what we want out of life and how our partnership can help us live that life. Annemarie and Asa take a multi-day retreat every year to reflect on their relationship and form their intentions for the following year. The retreat also includes fun things like cuddles and movies. Here, Annemarie and Asa are creating a frequent cadence for living a life of intention.
Caricature Emotions: People have big feelings. Annemarie and Asa have formed almost their own form of sign language to signal what they are feeling so that the other person can quickly acknowledge that emotion. No reaction is needed. Simply an acknowledgment is sufficient. Rather than having to guess what the other person is feeling, their signaling quickly conveys their state of being.
Communal Children: When asked about having children, Annemarie shares that she purposefully moved to St. Louis to be near friends who are having children. She is active in the lives of about 10 children and gets all the baby time she needs for now. Plus she gets to help out her friends with childcare. They continue to check-in about whether or not they want their own at some point. What a novel idea to share children instead of having your own. Annemarie is like a chosen auntie and gets lots of love and cuddles without the diapers. Sounds pretty good to me.
Meetings: Whenever something tactical needs discussing or clarity in a conversation is needed, either partner can call a meeting at any moment. Instead of letting things build up or waiting for the exact right moment, calling for a meeting creates the space for those conversations and both individuals can quickly jump to the headspace needed.
Micro-Conflicts: Annemarie and Asa don’t let tensions fester. If there is a feeling or emotional need, that need will be expressed and responded to immediately. For example, if Annemarie takes out the compost and wants that to be celebrated, she will tell this desire to Asa and Asa will immediately celebrate this act. There is no ego or battle in these requests and actions. They don’t keep count of who does what and who has done more. They simply are present to the request.
Separate Bedrooms: Living together in one bedroom has almost become a primary sign of commitment. These two have chosen to have two separate bedrooms. Why? Because they like having their own space. Simple as that. They invite each other over for morning cuddles and sleepovers. Here, this couple maintains their independence and chooses when and when not to share this intimate time with each other. And they likely get a better night’s sleep with no snoring to contend with.
The goal of these episodes is to expand the vocabulary for navigating life together. Have questions, thoughts, respectful comments? Leave them below!