Sara & George
Sara and George live in a three bedroom condo in Logan Square, Chicago, IL with their three children ages nine, six, and eighteen months. “Blended” is a word that describes many aspects of their lives including a blend of cultures, Jewish and Buddhist, blended generations with Sara’s parents living across the hall, and blended work and home life by running a design for social good company together called Greater Good Studio (GGS). Below are some of Sara and George’s design solutions for navigating life and family together along with their full interview.
Equally Shared Parenting: When George and Sara started their family, they came across the book, “Equally Shared Parenting” and never looked back. As I check out the book’s associated website, I see that the book breaks down equality into the four categories: breadwinning, child raising, housework, & recreation. The topic of breadwinning is a notable one for Sara and George as they put quite a bit of thought into having started their own business together. To help keep the gender equity tipped in a balanced direction, they observed honestly the attention and regard George naturally received by being male, and with a nice British accent I would add, and decided to make Sara the Executive Director of GGS with a 51% stake in the company. This has helped shift the interactions with clients and prospective clients to understand the role Sara has in the company because still too often, the woman is assumed to play a subservient role. But Sara doesn’t let the power go to her head. When George was considering whether or not to stay on the tenure track at the Art Institute of Chicago in part for the job security, Sara reminded him, “I will never fire you,” and he did not take the tenure offer.
PS- The ESP website is pretty fantastic and also includes a list of Real Life Stories, very similar to what I am trying to put together, which is awesome and worth the read.
Mysterious Events: After sixteen years of being together, George and Sara intentionally keep the surprise aspect of their relationship going by planning a variety of “mysterious events.” One person will put these on the other person’s calendar along with other fun language in the event descriptions such as, “wouldn’t you like to know.” The events are various date night activities such as dinner or a movie, but this small act keeps the fun going.
“Really Good Talks:” George and Sara’s tensions may begin with an emotional state of communication when something is awry, but quickly they turn these feelings of hurt or anger into ones of curiosity to better understand where the other person is coming from. Turning a potential fight into a “Really Good Talk.” For example, when George and Sara fought about cloth diapers, by asking questions such as “tell me your version of…” they uncovered that they both had fundamentally different perspectives on the matter. George felt like a sucker for wasting so much time washing cloth diapers while Sara felt like an eco-hero with every wash. At the end of the day, Sara told George, “You are more important than diapers.” So with that, they started using disposable diapers and as a compromise, plan to potty train a little early.
Self-Care as Family-Care: George, whose family is from Burma and was raised in England, was brought up to put the collective whole before oneself. This concept is very generous but can also be detrimental when it leads to burnout. When we burnout, we no longer have energy to truly serve our family to the best of our abilities. Seeing this, Sara started encouraging George to pursue self-care. Whether it was going to the Popeye’s drive through by himself or taking a four-hour bike ride, Sara knew that if George was happy, the whole family would be happier. Because feelings of selfishness might arise when taking care of oneself, together they reframed the conversation to acknowledge that taking care of oneself is actually taking care of the family because you are bringing your best self to the table.
“You’re Gonna Love It:” Married couples I know struggle to feel valued and appreciated for the work they put into their household and chores are a big part of this equation. Rather than resenting one another for not noticing, say that the dishes were put away, Sara and George keep it light and fun by saying, “you’re gonna love it when I put away the dishes” AFTER they have already put away the dishes. The other person then responds with, “you’re right, I am going to love it.” This lets the other person feel acknowledged even for something that likely would have been unnoticed.
The goal of these episodes is to expand the vocabulary for navigating life together. Have questions, thoughts, respectful comments? Leave them below!